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November 8, 2013

2

A Samurai Guide to Better Sex

by Matt Ulrich

A Samurai Guide to Better SexSex.  If you are a man, then you have probably thought about sex in the past 30 minutes.  And if you are a husband (and honest), then you are probably wanting more sex in your marriage.   If you are like a lot of other married men, then you might have questions about why your wife doesn’t want it as bad or as often as you do.  Now I know a lot of people have a lot to say on this subject, but I am going to take a stab at this and hopefully give you a different angle that will help take your sex life up a notch.  Here are a few tips that I want to share that will help you make this a reality…

1. Preheat the oven.  For the sake of comparison, we men are like microwaves.  It literally takes seconds for you to heat up.  Your wife could literally wake you from a dead sleep and you would be ready to go without needing any time to prepare.

News flash: for 98% of men, your wife is not like you in this regard.  For the other 2%… God bless you.

If men are like microwaves, then women are like ovens.  It is like heating up one of those Stouffer’s lasagnas in the oven; you have to pre-heat that bad boy and then wait another 75 minutes for it to get hot.  Now bringing this back to your wife, you need to ensure that foreplay starts the beginning of the day and is not necessarily all physical.  Be romantic for crying out loud.  Leave you wife notes around the house for her to find throughout the day.  Write about the things you love about her and why she is so special to you.  (Even if you are not romantically wired, things like “You’re a great mom” or “Just the thought of you makes me smile” works.  You’ll at least get points for trying).  Make a surprise visit at her work or at your house “just because”.  Talk her up in front of friends or coworkers about how great she is.  There are a million ways to do this, but the end result is you want your wife to feel desired and loved.  The more desired and love a woman feels, the more likely she is to reciprocate those feelings…***

2.  Throw on the apron.  It is statistically proven that men that help around the house with chores have more sex than those who do not.  Sounds like incentive to me!  Look it up if you don’t believe me.  It goes a long way when you come home from work and jump right in to help cook dinner, change that diaper, or come along side of her and clean a little.  It shows that you acknowledge the work your wife is doing and that you are willing to make the sacrifice to help her out even though you had a long day at the office (because she had a long day too and hers hasn’t stopped yet either).  Make sure your wife feels supported and loved and that her love tank is full.  You can never go wrong with that.

3.  Refuse to worship the idol of sex.  So here’s the thing gents, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news; sex will not ultimately satisfy you.  Whether it is your desire to have more creative sex or simply more sex in general, you are never going to find the ultimate satisfaction that our culture has told you comes with having crazy sex all the time.  You have been lied to my man.  Crazier sex is not going to fill the void.  Sex whenever you want it is not going to complete you and your marriage.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Sex is an amazing gift from God.  It wasn’t like Adam and Eve found out the dirty little secret of sex when God has His back to them.  No.  Sex was God’s idea.  It was His gift to us. And while sex is a great gift, it is a terrible god.  When we put sex on some unhealthy pedestal, we will disappoint ourselves and our wives will simultaneously feel like disappointments because they cannot live up to your sexual expectation.

Everyone loses.

You might feel like I am just trying to score brownie points with the ladies, but this is huge; sex is not the end all even though we are told this time and time again by culture, marketers, and magazines. When we can put sex in its proper place, it become much more enjoyable because we can actually enjoy it instead of being enslaved by it or having such high hopes that they never get met.

So go enjoy the fruits or marriage with the proper attitude and the proper perspective.  Love on your wife from the moment you get up until you have that special rendezvous and watch your sex life take it up a notch!

***You also want to make this a habit and not just a sex circuit where you jump through hoops to get her in the mood.  The best way to have a good sex life in this regard is to make this the norm!

2 Comments Post a comment
  1. Nov 8 2013

    Reblogged this on Country Girl In the Big City and commented:
    So true. A great thing to remember for all men everywhere. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Patti Biondi
    Nov 8 2013

    Pastor Matt – such WISDOM in this area of marital sex! Right on point on everything you said. The best part is that you were direct, truthful, but full of grace – Expressed with excellence!
    We are blessed beyond measure by having you as one of our Pastors!

    Reply

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