Part 1 was the theory. Part 2 of “When the Romance Dies” is the post with practical examples to help reignite passion. Here are some powerful ways for men to rekindle the romance in their marriage that aren’t ridiculous hallmark card suggestions designed for women…
1. Remember the things you did at first. What were the things you did in the beginning of your relationship that sparked that fire? What did you do? What did you say? What was the flint that lit up the relationship? Get back to that. And no, don’t make excuses why you can’t do that anymore. Find a way. Get back to it. FIGHT for it. Make sure you weren’t a 1 year romantic where you blew all your good stuff on the first leg of the race. Get back in the game son. Your marriage is worth it.
2. Power of Words. You may think your words don’t have a lot of weight in your wife’s ear, but you could not be farther from the truth. Compliment her. Tell her she looks hot today. Encourage her for being a good mom. Praise her for what she does at work. Spoil her with your words in front of others. Dote on her in front of her family. There is life and death in the tongue, so use it for life. Build up your wife and tell her why she is the one for you.
Get silly. Talk sexy. Laugh again. Leverage your words to bring her back to you.
Even if it has been a long time since you did this and you are thinking, “She would think I am crazy if I started that up”…. then let her think you are crazy. Eventually she will come around because the more life you speak in this direction, the more life there will be.
3. Date nights. This has almost become cliche, but man it is imperative, especially if you have kids. Set aside one night a week that come hell or high water you are going out. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive; you just need some time together. Go out to eat, go on a hike together, or do something you both enjoy. Quality time is critical to keep things moving in the right direction.
4. Be fully there. Sir, put down your concubine (i.e. your iPhone), stop thinking about work, and discipline yourself to really be there for your wife when you have time together. The worst thing you can do is be there but not really be there. That is counter-productive in every way and will drive the wrench deeper into the mix. of your marriage Lay aside all distractions and fully focus on and give the attention your wife needs to her in that moment. Pay attention when she speaks. Respond with more than just a “Uh huh. Yep. Great honey.” It goes a long way when you are really engaging her conversationally and are aware of what is actually going on around you.
5. Real love is not ours to begin with. If you want loves that never fades, then you can’t try to muster it on your own. It has to derive from love Himself; Jesus. Romance as the world defines it (see When the Romance Dies Part 1) only goes so far before it fizzles out. You need the unending source to be your wellspring or else you are going to run dry and get annoyed because you are doing it out of self-effort (especially is she is not responding the way you want her to). Make sure you are engaging with the Spirit before engaging with your wife. It is the only way to make it last and still have joy in the journey.
In short, man up and take responsibility for your marriage. Stop making excuses. Stop blaming it on her or external circumstances. There is one thing that you can control and that is your response… so make it count!