Marriage Is Not About Your Happiness (Part 3/3)

marriage is not about your happiness

You remember those WWJD bracelets?  Well I am not saying go out and buy one, but burn that into your mind and make that your mantra when it comes to making decisions as a husband.  Just remember: it’s not about you.  That simple shift will revolutionize the way you view your marriage and role in it.  Jesus was a servant king.  He did not come to be served, but to serve and give His life.[1]  That is the call of a husband to his wife.  It’s not about you.

The crazy thing is that it isn’t about your wife either.  It’s all about Jesus.

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Marriage Is Not About Your Happiness (Part 2/3)

marriage is not about your happiness

Have you ever asked people what they think the purpose of marriage is?  You may be surprised at what kind of answers you get.  Look it up on a google search and you find all kinds of answers: “tax breaks”, “to raise a family”, “stability”, and “to keep divorce attorneys making triple digits” are just a few of the answers you will actually find!  One (legitimate) survey was done by the Pew Research Center in July of 2007 that polled over 2,000 random selected participants in the United States and asked them a series of questions about marriage.  Do you know what the #1 answer was for what these randomly selected people was when they asked what the purpose of marriage was?

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Marriage Is Not About Your Happiness (Part 1/3)

marriage is not about your happiness

There is a lot of confusion when it comes to the reason for marriage.  One thing is for sure: marriage is not about your happiness.  If this is the case, then what in the world is the purpose of marriage?  Find out in this three part series that will debunk some common marriage myths and give you insight into the Biblical understanding of marriage.

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Creating A Culture of Appreciation


Everyone wants to be appreciated and get recognition.  It goes back to when you were little and lived for the moment your parent or teacher praised you for something you did right.  And we never really grow out of this; we just mask it better as we get older.  But the truth remains that we all like to be applauded for things we do right.  And this is such a key element in your marriage… creating a culture of appreciation will save you from countless fights and misunderstandings.

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A Base Hit is Better Than a Home Run


Babe Ruth is a legend.   He has hit more home runs than anyone else in history behind Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds*.   All three players are notorious for slamming balls out of the park… but are just as notorious for striking out.   They are 1, 2, and 3 all-time for HRs, but are also ranked 44, 87, and 104 as all time strike-out leaders.  Fact: When you swing for the fences all the time, you are going to strike out more often.  Anyone who plays baseball knows that a player who can consistently get on base is better for the team than a player who hits the occasional home run.   The same principle is true in marriage: a husband that intentionally makes small, daily deposits in his marriage does more for his marriage than the husband who sweeps his wife off her feet with epically romantic get-aways twice a year… yet neglects the day to day investments.  With that in mind, here are 10 ways to get on base that you can do this week:

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How to Fight (Part 3 of 3): What and How to Say It


Have you ever been so upset that you said something really stupid and as soon as it left your mouth you wish you could take it back?  Once it is out there, however, the damage is done.  There is no turning back once you let those words fly.  This is especially true in your marriage when emotions are heated and a fight is about to ensue.  So how do you train yourself not to get to this point?  What are some ways to guarantee this doesn’t happen again?  Here are a few Samurai tricks of the trade:

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How to Fight (Part 2 of 3): The Low Road


The Bible says, “Agree with your adversary quickly”; how much more should this be true with your spouse?  Learning how to take the low road of humility is an absolutely critical piece in learning how to stop the fight before it even begins. By swallowing your pride and agreeing with your spouse when you have a disagreement, you will save yourself a world of trouble… and save yourself countless unnecessary fights.  Here are a few ways to ensure that  you take the low road and reap the benefits of doing so:

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The 100/0 Principle


I have often heard people say “Marriage is 50/50; do your part and you’ll do fine” or even take it a step further and say, “Marriage is not always 50/50.  Some days you will wake up and may have to give 90% and your spouse will give 10%.  Other days you may wake up and give 25% and your spouse will have to put in the 75%.”  And while this may sound good, there is a Kingdom alternative that Jesus espouses that moves beyond the traditional give-and-take approach to marriage.  Let me explain:

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